Hollywood screenwriter and crack cocaine enthusiast Aaron Sorkin has penned a letter to his 15-year-old daughter, bracing her for the coming Trump Captivity. It has to be read to be believed. Every . . . last . . . word:
“I won’t sugarcoat it—this is truly horrible. It’s hardly the first time my candidate didn’t win . . . but it is the first time that a thoroughly incompetent pig with dangerous ideas, a serious psychiatric disorder, no knowledge of the world and no curiosity to learn has.”
Wait, I thought Hillary lost? Thank heavens the writer responsible for blatant left-wing agitprop The
Left West Wing and The American President has dispensed with his customary subtlety, and is just gonna let us know how he feelz.
“And it wasn’t just Donald Trump who won last night – it was his supporters too. The Klan won last night. White nationalists. Sexists, racists and buffoons.”
You forgot homophobes! You forgot homophobes! Why do you hate the LBGTQ community so, Aaron? There will be no fruit basket from GLAAD this
Christmas Winter Holiday for you!
“The Trumpsters want to see people like us (Jewish, “coastal elites,” educated, socially progressive, Hollywood…) sobbing and wailing and talking about moving to Canada. I won’t give them that and neither will you.”
But that turncoat Cher might. And that weasel Amy Schumer. And sellouts like Miley Cyrus, Barbra Streisand, Neve Campbell, Chelsea Handler, Lena Dunham — WHY WON’T THESE STUPID WOMEN LISTEN TO ME!
“And the world took no time to react. The Dow futures dropped 700 points overnight.”
Umm, about those futures. Yeah, the market had a record rally the next day, which means the geniuses who bought those futures betting on a fall got wiped out.
“Economists are predicting a deep and prolonged recession.”
Oh, about that too — hate to tell you but Paul Krugman retracted that prediction by close of business the next day. Don’t dash off these screeds so fast next time!
“What wouldn’t we give to trade this small fraction of a man for Richard Nixon right now?”
Dude, I know you bragged about writing The American President while high on crack, and you claim you’ve been clean and sober since, but if this is how you think sober maybe it’s time to pick up the pipe again.
“Men who have no right to call themselves that and who think that women who aspire to more than looking hot are shrill, ugly, and otherwise worthy of our scorn rather than our admiration struck a blow for misogynistic shitheads everywhere.”
Please, there has to be a runner somewhere close by who can drop off a baggy at the Sorkin residence.
“And speaking of fear, Muslim-Americans, Mexican-Americans and African-Americans are shaking in their shoes.”
For the love of God man, can no one in the LA metro area spare a couple of rocks for this poor bastard?
“There’s a party going on at ISIS headquarters.”
Cool — maybe they could send something? I hear they have a lot of smack lying around.
“We do what we can to fight injustice anywhere we see it—whether it’s writing a check or rolling up our sleeves.”
Thank God, they are sending heroin.
“It is also good to remember that most members of Trump’s own party feel exactly the same way about him we do.”
This may a just a bit of an overstatement, considering about 90% of Republicans voted for Trump. But it is probably a fair description of the Beltway GOP. Memo to
Chris Christie Mike Pence: In the name of all that is holy, please keep Conservatism Inc. away from those Plum Book positions.
(H/T Roger Simon)